come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my shit smells like andre
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
