standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
