okay pat passed out under dana's car
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
