i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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