a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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