ya dads aren't the best wingmen
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize