Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
