My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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