whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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