Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
