I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
