He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
