Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
