Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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