I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize