i think i have two assholes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize