apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
