Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
