im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
