If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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