think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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