If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
