You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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