meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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