i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
