is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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