i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
