You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
