mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize