I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
