i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
