Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
