I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
