I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
