what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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