wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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