You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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