guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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