I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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