Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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