Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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