hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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