The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
