Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
