If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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