Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
