just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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