i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize