i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He better not be in your backpack
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize