My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
