We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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