Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is Oprah even human
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize