I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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