Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
