Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
