Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
