Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
