SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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