My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
