Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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