I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize