dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
