i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
