I didn't shave. On purpose
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
