she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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