Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
