i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
