Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
