i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
