Pappa wants mamma naked
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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