Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
