i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
