then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
