Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
