what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
