Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
