you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
