We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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