Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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