Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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