how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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