i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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