I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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