The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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