i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
