boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
