Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I need moral support for this bender
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
