forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
