Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
