The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
