You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
