and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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