plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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