a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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