took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
