i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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