I can tuck mytits in my pants
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize