peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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