The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
