Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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