He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
