He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
