i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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