i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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