Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
