do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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